Surrogacy questions, enough.

Where does time go....2 weeks. Scarlett is so big and strong and we are just shocked at how time has flown. She had slowed down a bit with the eating...which is good since at that rate we were worried we were going to have a blimp for a baby. She is 9lbs now, from the 8lbs 3 oz. that she was when she left the hospital. So things are right on track. She sleeps 5 hours at night, has a feeding early morning, and then another 4-5 hours. So needless to say we're thrilled. I think Scarlotzka knows mommy is almost on the tx list and needs her rest. Even though my mom does nights, I would be up if Scarlett was up.


I think about our surrogacy journey all the time. How amazing it was. It gets better and better as I think about it. Since we decided to go this route, we did not encounter one wrinkle, one obstacle, seems like we have enough of those in everyday life Martin and I. Getting listed for transplant has been one thing after the next, but getting Scarlett into our lives was perfect. I feel like she is my miracle. Her presence in this house has lifted up all of us more than we expected. Not that we're miserable people, we're not, but she just brings so much love and happiness to us. I can be in the worst pain in the morning, and my mom will bring her down for me to see and feed, and I just melt. How can I not smile. She does her little lazy stretches as I change her diaper and I kiss her little feet and face and she makes my morning.


The connection that I have with my daughter is not arbitrary. It's not because she's here and I have her, so I will love her. I loved her from the second that I saw the top of her head coming out during labour. I looked at her and I felt it, she was my daughter, Martin's daughter. It was instinctual, it was spiritual, it was biological. When we decided to go with surrogacy, I contended with the fact that I might lose some connection due to the fact that I was not carrying. But I had no choice, and I was okay with that loss. I had no idea how it would all go. Neither did Beth I don't think. But both Beth and I learned so much about that connection. Beth felt physically pregnant, but not emotionally. I did not feel physically pregnant, but emotionally I was more and more pregnant as the weeks and months went on. By the time Scarlett was in my arms, I was ready for her and she fit into my arms as if she just came out of my uterus. I knew what to do, she was happy to be in my arms, and I knew right then that I lost nothing and gained everything. I know that people don't understand that, not everyone has to, and that the most common question about all that we went through now that we have our daughter is about Beth's connection to Scarlett and her ability to give her up....I just wish people would stop asking me that. I try to explain, but people don't want to hear it. The people that ask seem to want me to say that I had to rip Scarlett out of the arms of our surrogate, and that I felt no connection to my daughter. That's what people seem to want to hear. It is not the truth, and when you listen the stories of other mothers that used surrogates, they will tell you the same thing. It's incredible, and they know they're children immediately and they love their children immediately. It's an incredible thing.


I am not insecure about it. I will never lie about it. I am proud of Beth and I. I am proud of Martin and Don. I am proud of all of it. But now that Scarlett is here and we're taking care of her and growing with her, I wish people would stop asking questions that are made to question the process, or myself, or Beth and her family. I am waiting for the day that I lose my patience. And of course I don't want to do that, with anyone.


On a totally different and much lighter note, we had a photographer take Scarlett's pictures last weekend and I cannot wait to get them back. I will post them as soon as I have them. This lovely lady has also agreed to help me document my transplant journey from start to finish. Something that I am very excited about. Both for my blog, as well as an album that I will put together about the process. I will then print the blog and the pictures for Scarlett (and us) for the future. This project will be amazing I think. I want it to be as detailed as possible when it comes to the medical aspect of the tx and the recovery. I think Jenn will do a great job!