When I had to go to the ER last week, I prayed for a miracle in the car. Anything I prayed for. I was in so much pain, I was so short of breath, that I was not even lucid I don't think. I just wanted relief and calm and did not know what form that would come in. At that point I was so ready for relief, I would have taken anything.
Today, when I get tired and breathless, I put on my Bi-pap and float off to sleep. It's the greatest thing I could have asked for from god. Or from anyone, except for those new lungs, and I don't ask for those, not from god.
I would like to find out who invented this machine, and thank them in person. For them to know what this machine does for people on the edge like me. It saves me the terror of not being able to breathe. It saves me from being put onto a ventilator when the sheer act of breathing will become too much. It saves me from the eventual build up of CO2 in my failing lungs. And, it gives me the best thing of all, sleep. As much as I like. And at this point it's all the time.
A small note on God. I have always been a privately religious. I was born Catholic but I cannot say that I have lead a Catholic life. I appreciate other religious people. I think there is honour is having faith, be it Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, whatever faith it is that you have. I will say my two cents about god here though. Don't count god out until there is nothing left, your opinion might change.
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My New Treatment: O to the 2
9 years ago
8 comments:
Glad the bipap is working well for you! That is definitely a blessing! The few times I tried it I couldn't stand it, but then again i was severely sick and felt like i couldn't breath with it. But I'm so glad it works for you!!!! It definitely beats going on a ventilator!
I hope you are feeling better! You were following me..www.stillsittingwaitingwishing@blogspot.com....im just getting around to following you!
Good to hear you are getting some rest! God will take care of you and give you strength while you wait for your new lungs :) God Bless you and remember I'm praying for ya! Love you babe.
I agree, as a born catholic but not practicing, I too believe that there is someone/something out there, and it has in my past heard my prayers, and I hope s/he hears yours too. Glad your bipap is bringing you some relief
(I'm an IM to be in case you're wondering who is reading your blog).
I believe that there is such positive energy in praying good thoughts for someone. To visualize them benefitting from your prayers and positive vibes. And I keep on sending it all to you Nat.
I remember saying something similar to my Mom when I was sick as a teenager. You will do anything do get well. THink anything, feel anything if it will make the slightest difference. So those who have counted a higher power out will have another thing coming to them at one point or another in their lives.
I am rambling I know but I just want you to know that I wish that I could help to fix this for you.
I so thankful that the bipap was invented.
I felt the same way about bi-pap back in January! I really hope those new lungs get to you soon....
Ronnie
Hi Natalia! My name is Amanda and I'm a friend of Katharine Lane's. She introduced me to your blog and I've been reading your story and I am so incredibly inspired by it. As someone who has never experienced that kind of suffering or hardship in life thus far, I have so much admiration for the strength and hope and courage you have to endure what you're going through!
I will keep you in my prayers and keep you on my twitter... and I'm so glad you know (at least privately) that there is a God looking out for you and helping you and your family through this! God bless you!
Hello,
I read your article from The Star. I was very touched. You are such a brave, loving and inspiring women... you and your family.
I have my own battles with chornic respiratory failure and so glad for the Bi-PAP as well!
May you get those new lungs. Thinking of you!
-B
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