So I had a total freak out yesterday. Total. Freak. Out. I woke up this morning with no fever, but kinda warm. So I know something is up, I need an IV switch up, but yesterday I thought it was the end. Today, I think I need different meds. Hmm...though I am at the hospital (and I really really hate this place!!) I am having a much better day.
I don't know what the plan is yet. Which drugs to get me on. We are having some discussion right now. No one is listening to me, as per usual. I know the combo that I want to be on, the one that works well, but that's how it works. I just want to get my drugs and go home. That's all.
I am sorry I scared people yesterday. I just let things out, and I knew it would freak everyone out. I have those moments. They are real, but they are not at the same time. I have more faith than I do fear. And by faith I don't mean only in a higher power, I mean in medicine, in science, in timing, in my body, in myself. But sometimes I am too sick and tired, and those negative emotions that are always looming get out and it is such a mess when that happens. I doubt everything in those moments. I think about them later and wonder, where did that come from, it was not me, like the devil sneaking in and making me weak and negative. I know those moments are natural, normal, all that, but I hate them. They do not help the situation at all, in fact they make it all worse. Those thoughts I hate having so much.
So far that's it. I hope this is a short stay. I just want to get those meds quickly and head home on home IV's as I was. I just want the right drugs for me. That will take some work I think.
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2 comments:
You keep working' em for those meds! :) Isn't it funny how we 'know' what works for us?
We all have those mental black holes... To me, it is just all about how long we stay there. Glad to hear you are feeling better! .. And you didn't scare me, it's always good to 'get it out!'
Hoping your stay isn't long at all and you're back home with your creature comforts soon :)
I hate when the docs don't believe us...HELLO...we know what works more than they do. Keep pushing girl!
Hang in there...it's a tough road, but you are doing great. You are allowed to have freak-outs. That is what we are all here for, so you can vent and share your frustration. Sometimes just getting it out is so helpful.
xoxo
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