Your daddy, my hubby....

Scarlett,

There are a few people in this world as good as your dad. I know I don't have to tell you that. I see how you two look at each other now, at this tender 6 week mark and I cannot imagine the love that will grow from here.

He and I. Your dad and I. There is a lot to tell you about your dad and I. The most important thing I can say, is that before we met each other, we were truly half. Half a person, half a soul, half a life. It's nothing that we sough after, I assure you, we are both independent people that never wanted to count on anyone as much as we have ended up counting on each other. But that's what happened.

When we met we fell in love quickly. It was like a clock started when we met, and the clock started ticking, and we were off. Every minute things changed for us. Quick quick. Our love flooded our lives, we flooded each others lives, sometimes to the disdain to those around us, and there we were, married, house, all of it. Our lows were as high as our highs in the first year of our love, and the second year (which was pretty much the first year of the marriage). We did everything with full throttle. We both learned so much during this time. About so many things; Business, real estate, friends, love, family.....it was a roller coaster. I look back now and I think it was so great. Even the rocky parts. So great.

There was a point last summer that things became very hard due to so many factors. Mostly my health and infertility, and just this doom that seemed to set in over us. It was all too much may be. We had hoped for a baby (you!) and things were so hard. We had hoped for my feeling better than I was (though we knew so little about what was ahead in the year to come) and it all just seemed still. We were both still. This tested us. It all tested our marriage. I remember when we decided to fight through it. It was not a select moment in time, but I remember your dad and I having to accept that our life may not get easier, not for a while, and we decided to face it together. Not that we were ever going to separate, but really we were newlyweds, and we were coming against all these larger than life stumbling blocks. I just remember us accepting things but choosing to want more. It was a big moment for us. Right now, when we think back to a year ago, may be a year and a half ago, we think, wow how things have changed. Look where we are, it's amazing.

What's so funny, is that now your dad and I are faced with more tests and more challenges that any couple needs for a life time. But it is now that our marriage is like a shiny hard rock. One that may chip, but will never fracture. Your dad and I have become a true team over the past year. Half way through this year, when you were well on your way in Beth's belly, our world was shattered with my becoming so ill. But somehow, we handled it like veterans, from beginning to where we are now. But the last 6 months, well, we've lived a life time. Our marriage has lives a life time.

Your daddy, oh how tired he must be of my tears, of my cough in the next room, of my fearful breathlessness. Oh how tired he must be. But the man that your dad is, words leave me when I think of describing what I think of him now. When I think about how I would react to be in his shoes, I don't know if I would have his grace. His strength. Your dad has made a career of rubbing my back. My lungs hurt, and my back really hurts as a result, and he's the only one that makes it feel better. His hand is on my back whenever we're close. It's the best. Your dad plans all the things that we will do together after I get my lungs. He makes big amazing plans for the 3 of us. If you knew half of them! I love him for it. Your dad sits in this room with me all the time when he's home from work and lives it with me. Lives it all with me. It brings me to tears writing this, because it is such a sacrifice. No body says it, but the fact is I did not have a choice making CF a part of my life, but he did, and he made it a part of his life for me. No matter what, it is such a sacrifice. And it has been a lengthy one. Today, we wait for these lungs to come and we both know that things will only get better one way, and that's for that call to come. That weight is on our minds, you, our amazing daughter in our arms, and true love, the real thing in our hearts.

Reasons that made today a better day.

This morning I started the day feeling very run down and tired. I was coughing a lot and had a over all body-tired feeling. Enough of the 5am mornings I think! Anyhow, so we started slow, and had only 1 appointment today, so we wanted to be in and out, and done with.

When we showed up at reception for the V/Q Scan, I handed the receptionist my OHIP card and my blue hospital card. She checked me in, and then said, oh this is you! I have something for you. Then she looked around on the desk, and handed me a card that she had beside her. The envelope had my name on it.

I opened it and it was from a blog buddy, Peggy, someone that follows my blog, that I have never met. It was the nicest thing I have ever experienced. Knowing that she would go out of her way to do something like that. She said that she was across the street with her dad at another hospital and thought to drop this off. It was the nature of the effort that really got me, it was just a card, but it made me happy!! The world of the blog is amazing, it really is! How it connects us, and allows us to communicate to people we would otherwise not meet.

So my day was already looking up at that point! Thanks Peggy!!!

I went to the Nuclear Medicine lab, and when I walked in to register, I saw a man that I knew. He walked up to me, visibly excited to see me! But we both did not know how we knew each other! How do I know you, I said? He took my requisition from me (he's a technician there) and said, Natalia Ritchie, I bought the condo from you and Martin a few years back! I got excited: Paul!! It was great to see him. He was in fact a guy that bought our loft from us a few years back, may be 4 years ago. He was the nicest person ever! We remained friendly, even though the real estate market can often be quite vicious between buyer and seller. But we loved Paul, with his two adorable Dachshunds! Anyhow, it was great to see him. We chatted, and he ended up doing the test for me. He was great! He was excited that I was going to get my second chance through lung transplant, and was supportive, and positive, and told me that he sees people do so well, and knows that I too will do great!

Today, the positive thoughts, and words and comfort of friends made my day. Paul and Peggy, people that I have either never met, or met for a short time many years ago. It just proves, people are good and stand by each other when times are tough. Thank you friends.

The people in my life.

Recently, for many reasons, I have been thinking about the people in my life that really matter. The people that make my life what it is. The special family and friends that have made me the person that I am.

The first person that I think of is Martin, my awesome husband. He's everything to me. He's by far the smartest person that I know. When we first met, we only dated for a short little lit before I knew he was the guy. The thing that made me love him so much, so quickly, was his hair. No I'm kidding, though he does have amazing hair!! It was not his perfect skin (he's going to kill me..haha) and his non-accent. (he's Irish, but does not have an accent since he's been in Canada for over 20 years...but he says 'pram' instead of stroller and when he pronounces 'garage' you really don't know what he's talking about) It was not his sense of humour, though he tends to send me into coughing fits from laughing so hard. It was, his big fat brain. He just seemed SO smart. And soon enough I found out it was not just an illusion, he was in fact really bright, and very modest about his abilities. He's also a really good Tennis and Squash player, but that impressed me less, since I am not that good at either sport.

Martin amazed me in his confidence as an entrepreneur. He always lept into his projects and never doubted his abilities. How many times did I say....'Are you sure honey...what if it doesn't work out..what if???' But Marty always convinced me otherwise, and made it happen!! It was just awesome to watch, a true businessman at work. We did take many risks, but I would not have done it any other way. Martin always knew what he was doing, and I was always, and still am very attracted to that.

The best part about Marty though, by far, is he does not know how smart and talented he is!!! He is the most modest person I know, and that, is SEXY!!

(Left: Knox, Caroline, and Martin)

Needless to say, my love for him extends past the above. He is loving, and caring, and has learned SO much about what it is to be a CF husband in such a short period of time, it amazes me everyday. He has made me stronger, better, smarter, and thinks I'm just as pretty all dressed up, as I am with an IV pole by my bed. It's just beyond me how I got so lucky!!

The other people in my life that I just love so, so much are my mom, dad, and brother John. My mom is the rock of us all. She lets me do my thing, but when we need her, she is like a tornado of energy. My mom is a caregiver, a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a cook, an engineer, my personal CF researcher, you name it. She also takes care of Marty when he needs some care giving. May be when times are tough, and I'm ill, and the world just crumbles around us, my mom remembers that as much as I need her help, Martin does too. And that's just awesome. She treats him like a son, and is always a positive energy on our marriage. I cannot imagine how she does it. My mom also has always encouraged us to have babies. She did not want me to carry, but has understood that our marriage needed babies. What a blessing the woman is!!

My dad, if he was not my dad, would be my best friend. We are SO alike, oh my. Scary. We share the exact same opinions about everything, we look alike, we act alike, it's pretty funny. He is a really good husband and I have always thought that all men should be as involved as he was and is. As a child, he bathed us, and did all the mommy and daddy things. He loves to iron, and is really good at it, and irons EVERYTHING..haha. He keeps the house super clean, and when I was a kid I remember him ironing after dinner when we were all watching TV, or chatting, more than any other memory. I think that's so funny!! I used to think that this was normal until I met other dads that never ever ironed or did house work in their lives. He is the best role model for Martin that I could ask for. He is caring and loving, and funny, and really really smart. I still think he knows everything, and I thought I was supposed to grow out of that when I was a kid. In many ways Marty and my dad are more and more alike each day. That is a compliment for both Martin and my dad.

My dad gets choked up when we talk about baby bean. He loves that grandbaby so much already, and just celebrates with Martin and I everyday. My mom and dad's love for both Martin and I, their acceptance of who we are and what we need, as well as their joy at us expecting this little one, is just beyond words.

I also have an older brother, John, who's a few years older than me. John and I are either really alike or really different, but this means that we argue a lot. May be not a lot, but enough that I can safely say sometimes he drives me nuts!!! If we keep politics, religion, and basically any other topic off limits, we are fine. Otherwise once we start, it always ends up way too heated. BUT.....John is the best person ever to have while in the hospital. He cares about me so much, I think he has changed many things in his life to make sure he can be there for me when I am sick. He is the one that has the night-shift at the hospital, ALWAYS. Martin has just realized this is the way that it is. John takes time off work, reschedules everything, to make sure that he will only leave when I am totally okay to be alone. Most times when I am in, I am alone most of the day and night, with visitors only in the evening. I am usually very well, just on IV's for tune-ups. But there have been those times when I was very sick. I do not sleep at all during those nights, so needless to say there have been some rough times. I think John has been through some hard times, seeing me so sick. But he's a champ. Always consistent, always my big brother. His dedication to me as a brother is commendable, though I like it more when we argue about politics, since it's then that I know he views me as simply his sis, not as his sick sis. All the bickering is put aside when I am sick, and we are back to being best buds. I value having him as my big brother, and hope that one day when I get my new lungs, him and I are going to be able to snowboard together and he can breathe easy too, knowing that I'm finally breathing ok.

(Above: Me, my cousin Mark beside me, my cousin John left sitting, my brother John right sitting)

Now my family is everything, as you can tell, but there are so many other really cool people in my life. Martin and I have some amazing friends. Some old, some new. I have good friends from High School, and my girls from University. I have friends from all over the world that have CF, or have had lung transplants, whom I keep in touch with via the Internet. Martin and I have a large group of friends from his high school days, that we feel in some way will always be a group, and that will grow old with us. We celebrated each others weddings, and now are having children together. Though we rarely get everyone in the same room at the same time (since we're talking about over 10 couples) when we do, it's always a good time, and something I hope will stay a constant in our lives for ever and ever.

(Christmas dinner, December 2008, with our friends, about a week ago!!)

My extended family is not very big, but I have to say that everyone has always been very supportive with regards to my CF, my life, my marriage, and now my pregnancy. We are the only ones in Toronto, so seeing everyone is difficult. Some live in Poland, some in Chicago, some in Paris. It's hard not to see everyone, but I know that they are always there when it counts, like our wedding day.

(Our wedding reception....all the good people in our lives)

I feel like my network of support and love goes much much further than what I have written above. There are so many people that I correspond with, like the people I have met through this blog. There are the people that have become my new friends over the years. There are the nurses at my CF ward that I have known for over 10 years now. There is my post office friend, whom I speak to about CF, our baby, our marriage, every time I stop in to mail something for our business (which is very often)....strange may be, but we have the best talks!!!! haha. There is the lady that does my hair, and my waxing, and....well...you get the idea. Many amazing people that have somehow shared in my life, and my story, and are now really excited about little baby Ritchie. I am a true believer that sharing with the people that you connect with in life is gold. Discarding those that are somehow a drag on your life a necessity.