177 days and a great treat!!

Quite the exciting thing happened to us today, we got a message from Beth that she had felt her first fetal movement!! Yes, that's right, our little peanut decided to let Beth know that yes he is indeed in her tummy, and obviously quite excited about it!! This news took me by surprise, I did not expect this so soon. I just take it all as it comes!! But we are very excited about it!!

We are also quite excited about finding out the sex of our baby. I do feel slightly disappointed! Why, well I really wanted to hold out. It was important to me. May be since I thought that since we could not have anything else a surprise in this pregnancy, that this was something for us to do 'like everyone' else. We had that choice! But as I wrote in my previous, very indulgent, baby planning, decorating silliness....post, I just am having a hard time planning even the slightest thing without knowing the sex. Which means that I am now REALLY excited about March 3rd. Really Really excited!! I guess this breaks up the excitement a bit. Not everything at once. And in a way it will be nice to know, and have a bit of a bond with him or her, months before her or his arrival. And it will make writing about it easier....no more him/her no more guessing!! So we are embracing the idea.

So, since we are finding out pretty soon....we are taking guesses. What do you think it will be? Beth offered her opinion, although she says she has no hunch, no GS magical powers, she's just guessing. And her guess is a boy. Well...hmm. Good guess. 50-50 chance of being right!! My guess has changed since we got pregnant. I always thought I was going to have a boy. Always. But now I think it will be a girl. We have always known the boy name. Since...well, always!! But the girl name was harder for us. We had one for a bit, but I didn't feel it was perfect, I just liked it. But recently I was at a Starbucks chilling out, and a name came to mind. And I loved it, just loved it. So I emailed Marty (we're blackberry people) and he responded right away, that he loved it!! And it kinda stuck. Since then, I think it's a girl. I can sense her. But hey, I sensed it was a boy for years, so who knows!! What do you guys out there think? Let me know! We will hopefully know March 3rd.

Otherwise everything is looking great. Beth and I are meeting next week for lunch, a rare treat. Very exciting!! Then the week following for our second prenatal. After that we get a two week break, and then we're at the Toronto hospital for our big 19 week ultrasound. 19 weeks? How did that happen...so soon?!

On another note....something I want to spill....

Recently I was reading a blog that I have been following for months now, another IM and her GS. Both blogs (A and S you know who you are) made me think today. The surrogate, who recently had a baby for her wonderful IP's, talked about the comments and questions that people make and have. Even though I rarely talk about other people in this blog, since I rather write about the good parts of surrogacy, not the nasty stuff, A (Sharing a Dream) made me think. It's hard sometimes when you want the whole world to know about something great. I mean something really great, but some people refuse to listen. They want to continue the thoughts that they learned from TV or from gossiping neighbours, instead of listen from someone first hand about how wonderful something different can be. I say this, since I have so many other mom's ask me questions that I think are so inappropriate or even hurtful. And when I really think about the reason why people ask these questions, I know it's not to help me, or to make me feel good about what I had to do. It's to make themselves feel superior as mothers. I never say anything back, though it's unlike me. But I think I never say anything, because I don't want to taint something that is so precious to me. This is not my new car that we're talking about. Or my new hair colour, or my new choice of friend. This is my baby. My child. My husbands son or daughter. And the woman that out of sheer good will and everything that there is good, is carrying my baby for me. So that I can be a mom, and Martin can be a dad. I just don't feel comfortable justifying anything to anyone, I just don't want to get into it.

When these people ask me, 'who would do such a thing'....I want to say 'someone kind, someone that understands what it's like to want a child, someone that is dedicated to me in a way people are rarely dedicated any more, and that is a true friend.' To those that ask me with a look of pity, "How could I, as a mom, have someone carry my baby, am I not scared, am I not worried that I will lack that natural bond for him/her", I say (or want to say) "I made this decision, not because I could not have a baby on my own, I actually could. I could take the risk, and potentially risk my health and the health of my unborn child. But BECAUSE I love that baby already, I refuse to put him or her in any danger. I will give away my selfish need to carry and be physically pregnant. I will take away from myself the joy of feeling my baby kick from the inside. I will give that all away, to make sure that my baby is safe, and healthy, and has the best chance from the start of its life. That is the choice I made, not for me, but for my baby. As for fear, I would only have fear if I didn't trust Beth. But I trust that woman with everything that is most important to me, after all I trust her with my unborn child. I will not go on, since that will sound like I am trying to convince you of her worth, and that's not needed. If you knew her, you would do the same. As for the bond between my baby and I, I already know this child, in some way. I know him through my dreams, and hopes, and through that feeling in my heart when I think of my life without him. I don't fear not having something that I already know."

What's funny, is that these are questions and comments I hear constantly. From people I semi-like, and from people that are good friends and peers. And of course I wish I could tell everyone that it's not like TV. Not like the movies. Where women are stereotyped as children snatching crazies (both the women that cannot have their own children, and the surrogates) in popular culture, and I wish people knew how it really is. That out of all the horror stories out there, most stories are amazing. Women who want to be moms and trust other women to help them along: How amazing!! And those women that help, being strong, confident mothers, that give that gift, and pass along the gift of motherhood to one of their sisters. I cannot imagine anything more natural, and pure, and bonding. Yet somehow most of the nasty comments are from other women, they are never from men. That is the part that is hard to understand.

Ok, that's all I have to say about that. I guess it was bound to come out sooner or later.

So, let me know what you think we're having. Is baby Ritchie a boy? Or is baby Ritchie a girl? You tell me!!
I am interested to think what the majority thinks!!

Ah, and it's almost next day...time for bed.