Q & A: The Answers 2/2

Okay, these are the last few questions that I did not get a chance to get to last time.

Q: jessicajv: "What were you able to do to connect with Scarlett when you were in the hospital and very sick. Was a difficult transition with her at home?"
Q: also... "How does it feel knowing that there are so many others following your story, and taking such inspiration from you?"
A: When we are talking about me being very sick, I can't say there was anything in particular that I did at all. There was a time period before that I skyped with my mom, and she would bring her over. I would also hear all about her from family. But I got so sick so quickly, that I was unable to do anything, and all my effort was about breathing and pain control. Soon after I was sedated or sleeping with the ventilator 24/7 and during that time I lost all sense of what what happening around me. Once in a while, my mom told me, when I was nearly totally out, my mom would tell me about how wonderful Scarlett was and that I had to fight for her, and my mom said it was the only time I smiled or let out recognition. Which makes me think she was all I thought about when seemingly I had no thoughts.
When I got home, and still now, I just do more and more each day with her. She is very attached to me already, and it seems like she remembers those first 2 months that we were together all the time. But emotionally it just gets better and better. I love her more and more. As a mom we make choices. I chose to let go of the guilt of not being with her, and replace it with the hard work and the fight to get myself through this and be her mom again. It will take a little while still until my mom relinquishes all duty, but I know it will happen. Everything in time as I heal.
As for being someone people follow on this blog, and gain inspiration from, I don't know what to say about that. I certainly never expected this. I started this blog with my 5 followers and wrote it for myself and Scarlett. I find it so flattering that people want to hear what I have to say. I don't always get it, but I find comfort in it too. So it certainly goes both ways. There are so many amazing people out there dealing with infertility, going through surrogacy, battling CF, waiting for lungs, are post transplant, mom's that are battling CF along with their kids. I find people's ability to fight in their lives very inspiring and also reminds me that I am not alone.

Q: Kerry: "What helped the most in getting over the emotional aspect of lung transplant?"
Q: I'm not sure if I am there yet to answer that. I know during the really dark moments, when it seemed like emotionally I was unable to take things any more, being with my family was the most helpful. I hated being alone. I always 'spoke' to my god, and meditated and took deep breaths while trying to fall asleep. But overall being with Martin, my mom, my dad, or John was the only thing that I always needed. I also think time is something that just has to pass. I was told that over and over while I was an inpatient and I am told now. A lot of these emotional issues, the muscle loss, the weight loss, this is stuff that will not happen over night. Time is important, and if you use it as you should things just get better and stronger. Including your mind. Losing time is hard, and I am dealing with it by making new time. Building memories ever day now. I have tried to stop focusing so much on what was.

Q: Poppy: "What is the hardest/easiest part of coming home?" and "Are you finally getting some meat on your bones?"
A: I already answered most of these somewhere in part one, but I guess this is slightly different. The best part was just being home and knowing that I was onto the next stage of my healing. Of course being with my family, my baby, and my house was nice. The hospital was hard. But I did feel like I missed the security of the hospital. If I woke up and something was not right, I was in the best place to be. I liked that. So home was hard for that reason, but it passed within a few days after I started going to TGH as often as I do now. They really take care of me well, and if anything is ever up, I know I can go asap. One of the easiest parts is having my privacy back. At the hospital you have none, especially when you are unable to move. It's something that I will never forget and never miss. Quiet, private time at home is a priceless thing.
As for the meat on my bones? I am gaining like crazy. All I do is eat, everything is sight. All yummy healthy foods, high in the good calories, and full of minerals and vitamins. Before I know I will be 120, 130 lbs and back to normal. I am quite tall, so that still leaves me fitting into all my clothes. Plus with all the working out, I am starting to see muscle again! I can't wait to be super fit this summer. I have goals!!

Q: Angie: "How is the clubbing in your fingers? Did it go away?"
A: Great question!! I never knew the answer and never thought about it before tx. First of all I had really mild clubbing, so I was never self conscious about it. But my mom noticed a change right away when she would give me mini manicures still in the ICU. Now I see a huge difference. It is a quite nice surprise. The same thing goes for my inflated chest. My lungs were very hyper inflated. Which means there was tons of air trapped in the airways, which created fat stretched out lungs. As they stretched over 30 years, the outside of my body did too. My posture got worse, and I had a slight roundness in the front. I was more and more self conscious of it throughout the years. After the operation it totally went away. All that inflation and stretching stopped. I am so happy about this I cannot tell you. My doctors showed me my pre and post xray and the difference is like night and day. One looks like a balloon, and the other is beautifully straight and perfect. This was a nice surprise for me. Martin noticed it the first time I sat up in my bed at step down ICU, he touched my naked back and said it was like someone else's back. He knew I hated it before, and he was so happy. It's a beautiful thing! Plus I can clip my bra on new latches, since I used to always have to use the last one or get an extender.

Q: Rhiannon: "What did you do before you got really sick?"
A: I went to University for Architecture. I never expected to work in the field, I knew it would be too challenging physically for me. It's a very demanding field, especially for the first few years when you work non stop. Not something that I was physically able to do since my 20s. After University I got very sick and had to go on disability. I was living in a condo that my mom and dad owned, so I had independence, but I struggled with the fact that I was unable to work. So I started to volunteer at an art gallery (since I had a minor in art history and went to Unionvillle Arts York program for visual arts in high school). That job really paid off. I got confidence again, met amazing people, and got my life back after being so sick. It just proved to me that there is always a solution to happiness and keeping busy and focused. I met one of my closest friends there, who was an artist and a client of the gallery. Now Martin works with her husband. That was a huge lesson for me in life. When you sit home and sulk (because I wanted to work in my field and that was that, even though it was unrealistic) nothing can happen in your life. But when you get out there, volunteer, or take on something new - even the smallest few hours a week - life opens up to you. You meet people, re-energize, and find out that people are good and if you show will, rewards will follow. Anyhow, it was during that time that I met Martin, and we were moved in and married very quickly. I was running one of his businesses within a few months of us meeting and moving in together. The rest is history. We got our first condo, then a house that we flipped when the market was just so hot. Then 3 years ago we got this house that we hope to be in for a long long time. We sold the business I was running right in time, before I got very sick. These days I plan to be a mom. No thought of working in the future. I feel lucky and honoured to be able to stay home with Scarlett. Never thought that would be me, I always saw myself as a partner somewhere (I'm very type A) living for my work. But now after all I have been through, I just want a simple life with my husband and baby. I cannot imagine a better job.

Q: Bundle of joy: "How did you end up on the cover of the Star and on CBC?"
A: In October my health was pretty poor and the lungs were not coming fast enough. It was my brothers idea to get the media involved somehow, as to perhaps have more people aware, and perhaps getting me lungs faster. That's all we really thought. We were nervous. Myles (Martin's best friend) took on the cause with John, and called, emailed, and did whatever possible to get people's attention.(we called it Operation Get Nat Lugs) John's good friend Paula was a friend of Barb's (reporter from the Toronto Star) and sent her an email that she had to read my blog. Barb read the blog, and wanted to do the story. When the story came out in October, it was more than we could have ever imagined. We expected a little side note, may be a little pic of Scarlett or me. That first layout blew us away. It was mostly out of my blog, and was on the front page. It was several pages long, and had tons of pictures of all of us, especially Scarlett. It was crazy! From there my blog really became public. I know that everyone reads the star on the morning commute in Toronto, so we knew the coverage was huge. For organ donation this was amazing. Our friend Paula contacted her friend Brenda at CBC and they both posted posters all over the CBC to get the attention of someone who wanted to do the story. The producer for the Mark Kelley show called On A Mission responded to the poster, which would require several interviews pre, during, and post. We had no idea, no one did then, how sick I would get. We got very close with both Barb, and the CBC staff. They were amazing. The staff was there when I went into the surgery, and my mom, dad, Martin, Myles, and John really befriended them. Myles became like our PR guy, always keeping Martin in the loop of what the media what up to when things got really hectic. The way I hear it alltold, it sounds like a crazy crazy time!!
It was a shock for me at what happened during my 'sleep', when I woke up. All those segments, all the articles. I had no idea. I was asleep the whole time. To this day I believe that I got my lungs when I did, much to do with the publicity that we got. Getting that awareness out like it was presented, makes people think. 2009 was a record year in Ontario for organ donation, and I think much of that has to do with the way that CBC and the Star took it on. It did not matter if it was my story, or one of the other hundreds of people that were also waiting at the time. It was being talked about, and I am proud we had something to do with that. Even though I had no idea it was happening at the time.

Okay everyone, I think that's it for the questions. I love them, thank you!!!! I hope I was accurate.