Today is a special, emotional, and good day

I did not want to post so soon, as I really want everyone to read my post about my friend Erika. Her story needs to be told. But I have some good news that I had to share with all of you out there....

TGH called, and I am being listed!!

When I saw the number on the phone, I knew it was them. I took a deep breath. It was the coordinator Michelle that was calling, I knew what she was calling about! She told me that they met yesterday, and talked it over with the whole tx team, and decided that I was a good candidate for tx (meaning they did not find anything to worry about in all those tests they did). If I was willing, they would proceed and get me on that list! Was I willing? Are you kidding? I am willing!!

So next week I meet the surgeon, sign some papers, get my pager, and let the journey begin. I am emotional today. For many reasons. A young woman passed away a day ago, leaving her young husband, her mom and dad and brother, and so many people that loved her. She left my heart empty but full. I remember her words to me, and I know that my wait for those new lungs will be triumphant. And I think my friend Erika will have something to do with that, as she watches over us.

Special, emotional, good day.

Erika Heller

Last summer my mom called me one morning and asked me if I had the Globe and Mail on hand. I thought that most likely Martin had it with him, and I would get my hands on it later. Why do you ask? My mom told me that there was such a beautiful love story in the paper, and Martin and I had to read it. It reminded her of us.

Funny enough, when Martin returned home from his morning coffee/paper ritual (before I was even up) he too had the article ripped out for me. He said I would like it, that the girl in it reminded him of me.

Below is what I read:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/article691818.ece

There were so many similarities between Erika and I, from the fact that we both had our PORTs on our wedding day, to the fact that we both met men that loved us despite the challenges of our health. I did not know a lot about her cancer, or cancer in general, but I somehow felt that her story was similar to mine. A few people that had seen the article commented on the similarities, and after reading it several times I kept the article. I was very inspired by this girl. By the life that she chose to lead, even though she had to deal with so much, from such a young age.

There was a follow up article, again in the Globe and Mail about how Erika was doing. How her wedding and honeymoon went. After reading that article, Martin said to me one day, why don't you contact her. May be you guys would hit it off? I didn't really think anything of it. Why would be respond to me? I'm sure the article got Erika a lot of other press and I'm sure many young women wrote to her with their stories. But one afternoon, I looked her up on facebook, and I did find her. On a whim, I wrote her a letter. Sharing my story, our similarities, and my admiration for her.

Erika, responded to me right away. A long letter, much like I wrote to her. We hit it off. We shared so much in common. Her mom and dad literally live a few blocks from us, and almost on every level we felt we were alike. We shared in my excitement when we found out Martin and I were having a baby! She was ecstatic, and kept telling me that when she feels better we will go out and celebrate (and actually meet in person). We were sure that our husbands would hit it off too, they were also very alike! Over the next year I was sick, and she was sick. I would call her and her nurse would be with her....or mine with me. Though CF is nothing like cancer, and cancer nothing like CF, we were just young women fighting for our lives. We understood what that meant.

I also understood however, that Stage 4 cancer came with an understanding. Though Erika never gave up, she knew where things were going. And as I battled my battles, I always thought about my dear friend that did not have the hope of transplant that I did. It put me into place, how lucky I was to be able to have that hope. So tangible that hope. Erika was hopeful too, and that made me admire her on a level that I cannot explain.

Over the last little while, I knew Erika was very sick. We have not written in a while, I wrote her notes, I prayed for her. I thought of her on my darkest days, and she gave me energy. She told me that I have more fight in me than even I knew, and I know she was right. There was an elegance in how Erika conducted herself even when she knew there was no more treatments, no more anyone else could do.

Today, I read of her passing. She passed away today, peacefully with her husband and family by her side. She lived her dreams, and though we never got to go for that dinner together, I thought of her often, and she gave me the inspiration, on the darkest days, to keep my head up high.

May we all find such grace in our lives, and touch others in the way that Erika touched me and many others. We did not know each other for long, but you were like a sister Erika. Rest In Peace.

Final Article:

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=85405298949&h=BYgxe&u=tdpMn&ref=nf