How to enjoy life 101

Scarlett,

It is fair to say, that although you might think for a long long time that your mommy and daddy have it all figured it, we don't. I hope it takes you years to figure this out, but eventually you will, we all do. Saying that, I am not going to pretend that I have all the answers and all the lessons. Hardly, but I have a few. Something that I want to pass onto you, in writing, officially, is what I call How to enjoy life 101. Of course I know you may think, how could I possibly have something like that figured out. I know, I know, but you have to say that being able to find happiness in life's most challenging times makes me slightly educated about the topic. Let's just say that I probably would not be comfortable teaching a PhD class on the subject, but a bachelors, yup I could. 101.

This is for you. I hope it helps you live your life as it comes. And life does that, it comes when and as it pleases. Sometimes you will be amazed at how perfect it's timing is. Like magic. Sometimes you will think that things come in three's, only to realize that it's fours or fives. Sometimes life is just incredible, and sometimes it's just plain hard.

So here we go bunny:

1. When things are terrible, wait a day, things will change
Your dad and I have learned this over and over again. Now, after a lot of practice, we actually believe it. The one constant in this life is that things change, and just as they change for the worse, they also change for the better. It's knowing this, and believing this that will keep you focused, content, and calm. I have written this before, but I will say it again, if someone told me last year that my life would be this beautiful right now, well I would not have believed them. Especially if they would have told me that I would be waiting for a lung transplant. But things went from hard, to harder, and then to the unthinkable, and somehow, we woke up one day with the most beautiful little baby we could have imagined, in love, dreaming of what's to come next. The biggest gift to us then, was believing that there was another day after the worst day, and then another and then another. Before we knew it, a new day came and it was a good day.

2. Find people that complete and inspire you, move away from the others
Friends are really important in life. Good friends are essential. There is a truth in friendship that you will rarely find in family. Family is a different topic, will tell you about that later. Friendship however can also be toxic, and being able to surround yourself with the right people, for the right reasons, is a great window into enjoying your life and being happy. I have learned many things about people from being chronically ill. Many things. Mainly, that when things in life are okay, the distinction between good friends are not so good friends is a small one. But when it comes down to needing people, and having a hard time, the people that you may have in your life for the wrong reason, become toxic. The falsehood of that friendship becomes taxing when you need them to be there for you, and vise versa. So, from experience, keep a select few close to you. Let them in, and don't pretend. But let go of the idea that you have to be friends with everyone. It only works when life is perfect.

Remember however, that you need to be there for people just as they are for you. Friendship is never one way, if it is, it's not the right type of friendship. But your life, with good friends around you. will make it more amazing. No matter how sick I am, or how well I am, certain people have always been around me, continuing being as they always were. That's a true gift those people. My CF is a side note to them. They know me as an artist, and a wife, and more than anything as their friend. They do not know me only as someone who is sometimes sick.

3. Don't compare yourself to others
To further the above point, the worst thing you can do is compare yourself to other people. A sure way to be unhappy and to enjoy nothing. Being your own person, setting your own life goals, and being happy for others for their success regardless of where you are in life is very important. An example of that in my life is comparing myself to other people that have Cf. It's an impossible thing, yet it's something that people always tend to do. It's something that I battle with respect to making friends with other people with CF. I have always tried hard to be my own person, do the things that I wanted to, and at the speed that I chose. Comparing myself to people that were frozen in fear due to their illness (this is by no means everyone with CF or chronic illness), only made me doubt what I was doing. Was I too optimistic? Was I in denial about what CF really was? Over time I learned that people are different. Some handles things better than others. Some do everything as they should, and still lose their battle. Some do very little and are bitter, and somehow are able to pull through. Comparisons of any sort never did me any good. I knew what I wanted from very early on. I wanted to go to University, get married, have children, own a house, enjoy cottage life, enjoy the outdoors, enjoy the arts and the small things that life had to offer. People have different goals and different objectives, so how can we compare ourselves to anyone. Stay focused on you. Be happy for others. Remember what you want to achieve.

4. Find work, find meaning
This is pretty old school, but I live by this rule. Work. No matter what you can do, or how much you can do of it, always work. I don't mean have a career. Of course find what you love, yes, and do it, and hopefully get paid well to do it. Of course. What I mean here, is physical work. The more you sit around, the less you will get out of life. There is always plenty to do. Around your house, in your house, and when you have done it all, and it's not enough, there is your community. Work will keep you better rested than sitting around. It will make sleep better, make you appreciate true rest and relaxation, and keep any sort of depression at bay. I believe that it's a lack of physical work that has made North Americans so prone to depression. We have maids to clean our house, a car wash to clean our car, someone to mow the lawn and help in the garden.....and as we work in our offices, we get more and more over-weight and more and more tired! Take it from me, taking care of the things that are around you, doing some work, will keep you happier, and will help you find meaning in everyday life.
I used to do much more than I do now. But even in this condition I do the things I can. Do laundry, fold, tidy up around me. It keeps me going. I know it sounds crazy, but it's one of those things I just know.

5. Depression vs. unhappiness
Know the difference. You may never face depression in your life, but you may. And there is a huge difference between a chemical imbalance and a bad day. Depression should be treated, by therapy or medication. A bad day or a bad week, or even a bad month will pass with the right attitude and work. Knowing the difference takes time. May take help. But never be ashamed to get that help. I know too many people that spent years trying to fix depression in a way that they would never try to fix a broken arm (by wishing it gone). And after years of suffering they got help, and with the proper help they finally gained their life back. There is no shame in getting help. At the same time, what may seem like depression might just be a slump. The greatest of feelings is when you can overcome a hard time and rise above it. Work on things that you never thought you could fix, and learn from yourself. The key is to listen to your inner voice, and be true to it.

6. Everything is relative, keep life perspective, enjoy today
There is something to be said to staying positive and focusing on today. It is the way that I am getting through this wait right now. One day at a time. A good day is a good day. A bad one is just that. A bad day no longer spirals into anything else but what it is, a bad day. While a good day lingers.
Happiness is relative, and another reason why you should never compare yourself to others. What someone else might find to be a good day, might be your worst. That's just life. So, focus on you. It may be hard to keep things in perspective sometimes, when things are not going as you planned, but the joy that you will find in life will not be from exceeding your own dreams and expectations easily, it will be from the tough times that you got through and triumph over. From the hardest of times, to your small victories, it's the times that you fight it out, that will remind you of what's important. Do yourself a favour, don't let things get hard before you remember what is worth fighting for. Remember it everyday. Keep the little things in perspective. Little problems, little mistakes, little people.

7. Feel lucky
When you wake up. Feel lucky you woke up.
When you fall asleep, have a good meal, have a meal, have a drink, have a kiss, get a smile, pet a dog, see something beautiful, see something strange, or ugly, or whatever, when you are able to see, walk, stretch, run, skip.....feel lucky. You are. And when you can't do one of those things, or many of those things, think of all the things you can do. There are so many things you can do. Some really really well!

8. Be Brave
Even when you are scared. Be brave. Whatever it is, you can do it. Manage it. Overcome it. Sometimes things do get scary, and the only thing that you have in your pocket that is yours and your alone, is that you are brave. Whenever you are scared, close your eyes and open your mind, and be brave.

Your mommy may not know everything, but I know that I work hard to be happy, and I have found happiness in the strangest of places, at the darkest of times. I know that this time waiting for transplant, it will change, it will pass. I know that the people that are around me are here to inspire me and help me, as they are. I am doing my best to not compare myself to others. I work when I can and it helps me stay active and productive. I know that my bad days are just that, but I watch for signs when things may be too hard to handle, and I will get help if need be. I enjoy the good days, and keep things in perspective. I feel lucky to have a handsome husband, a beautiful baby, a loving family, and most of all the science at my disposal to give me new lungs. Wow, I'm so lucky to have that chance! And lastly Scarlett, I am brave.